My daughter was so very stressed about getting into physical therapy school. She had worked so hard and had been accepted as an alternate the past year. She was determined to try again the next year. She took several more very tough classes and took the GRE over again and again. All to improve her chances of being accepted into a PT Doctoral program.
The program is an extremely competitive program and very difficult to get into. Becoming a physical therapist was her dream. She wanted it so badly she couldn’t imagine doing something else. She didn’t have an alternate plan if she wasn’t accepted this time. She had worked so hard that at times as her mother it was difficult to watch.
I remember a conversation we had about praying for this, believing for this and walking in faith. But, just two days prior to our conversation she found out her good friend did not get a promotion at her job. They both had prayed, believed and stood in faith together for a job promotion that did not happen. She said, “Mom, I’m believing for PT school but what if it doesn’t happen like her job? I don’t understand.” I had to admit to her that I don’t always understand either. But, then no one really does. However, because of my age and many, many life experiences I could shed a little light.
I hope with my whole heart that she gets into PT school! But, this is what I know. If she doesn’t God has a better plan. It won’t feel like it at the moment but soon it will all fall into place and she will be happy and thankful! I reminded her of the story of her and her brother’s adoptions.
I reminded her I wanted to have a baby but her dad and I were not able to. We tried for two years. We went through almost every infertility treatment they had 28 years ago. If you have ever been unable to have children then you know the heart wrenching pain. I was a teacher at the time and still vividly remember standing at the chalkboard teaching, and yes, that was in the days of chalkboards, and feeling the cramps in my stomach. I knew another month had gone by and I was not pregnant. It would be all I could do to not cry in front of my little second graders. I will tell you that any pain in my heart from that time was completely washed away the minute I held my babies in my arms.
When we finally decided to adopt, it too, was a long, painful process. I continuously prayed throughout the adoption process that I would get pregnant. What I didn’t know was that God had a better plan for me. A plan that I couldn’t see as being better. A plan that most women wouldn’t recognize as better. But, I received two of the best gifts God could give anyone. I received you, my daughter! I received your brother! In spite of what your brother has gone through, in spite of the struggles that he has had, I wouldn’t want to have my life without either of you. You both are everything to me, my heart! You are not what I was praying for in the beginning but you both are what God blessed me with. A blessing better than I could have ever imagined! A blessing better than I could have ever made! You know the love I have for you both!
So, you see dear daughter, God really is in control and taking such good care of you! You keep praying and believing to get into PT school. But, if for some reason you don’t He has something better. That is the lesson in this. Trust him! That is my only regret through infertility and the adoption process. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t enjoy the journey. I fretted, cried and tried to handle it on my own the entire process. If only I had truly given it to God and known that he had a better plan than mine. PT school may be his plan for you. But, if it is not then it’s because he has a better plan. A better plan just like you and your brother. So, please, please relax and enjoy the journey. God has this!!
Oh, and by the way, it was God's plan. She made it all the way!
This is such a hard thing to learn and do no matter what age. I still have to tell myself, “he’s got this”. I look back on the past and think about the hard times and how God took care of every situation and it turned out well even if it was not what I had picked for me. One of those times was when I became a ROCKer. It was the best decision God made for me. I am thankful everyday.